Day 1: Wishfully Wish I Wasn’t Addicted.

Cody borrowed my Dad’s banjo, which was in terrible need of new strings.  So he took it over to the music shop for new strings and tuning, returning with a fabulous and somewhat new banjo.

I made a list of books to finish in 30 days.

Our morning looked beautiful.IMG_5176

Really.

Cellphones out of sight, books in front of us.

We studied the Word and read our little hearts out.

you know the amazing accomplished feeling you get when you totes deserve a pat on the back for 

*Books before instagram* 🙂

I know, I’m ridiculous, but that’s one of my joyful successes.

But then work happened, as per usual.

I got home before my amazing husband and desperately wanted to catch up on the latest episode of New Girl.

Like I craved it.

Jess and Nick, Cece and Schmidt, and my beloved Winston. A show that I can quote start to finish and the belly laughs are UNCONTROLLABLE.

I wish I didn’t have any room to say it,

but Y’all, I’m addicted.

I never really thought that I could actually crave the idea of watching tv, but I did.

But I realized after my husband wistfully removed our tv from our room, how much I craved the idea of sitting and… well…

not thinking.

Books were piled high in my excited attempt to casually sit and read when I finished work for the day, but the knowing that reading takes work and effort for my brain seemed irritating.

I wanted to relax and think-less.

In the mornings, reading is my favorite way to wake up, so obviously it wasn’t that hard to put my phone away.

It’s easy, it’s comforting, but for some reason, the end-of-the-day-reading gave me the same emotion that my mother did when she told me to do my homework AND clean my room years ago.

Cody came home and instantly pulled up YouTube videos of Banjo instructions like a little piece of perfection while I sulked over my books and the mere thought of taking my sewing machine out of the closet.

So in the midst of sulking, I walked over and sat down to listen to the best Cody Bell pluck away at the banjo.

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At first it was slightly annoying listening to chords plucked out of order and rhythm.

It was irritating to know that my husband was obviously more mentally joyful that I was at that moment.

But then it hit me,

When has life really ever been a smooth rhythm of perfect melody and pleasantly plucked chords?

It just isn’t.

And yes, I’m embarrassed and wish I wasn’t so stinking addicted to tuning out the hard places of life with a brainless activity.

But maybe that’s God purpose for me in this 30 day wishful-doing challenge.

Maybe I need to face the places that are hard for me with brain-FULL activity.

Watching my  husband try and try again, perfecting something that seems complicated taught me that life calls us to just simply try and try again.

Cody and I can sit and talk while we try our new tricks of the trade and ask God new questions, maybe even hard questions to fully learn more about the places that hurt a little or even the places that makes us *incandescently happy* (for my Pride&Prejudice folks, that’s one of my current reads).

I so wish I wasn’t so addicted to the idea that life can actually be blocked out when there is so much life to taste.

Today, Jesus may need to walk you through life, maybe in the trenches, but there is always, ALWAYS light in the midst of the mud.

I thank Him that He showed me my addiction to tuning out life’s worries, because tomorrow is just one step closer to being fully

 addicted to Him.

3 thoughts on “Day 1: Wishfully Wish I Wasn’t Addicted.

    1. Oh Alex, thank you for understanding the love.
      We will have to watch some New Girl together when you are an american again!

  1. “Today, Jesus may need to walk you through life, maybe in the trenches, but there is always, ALWAYS light in the midst of the mud.”

    *sigh*

    YES. AMEN. THAT. ALLTHEPRAISEHANDS.
    🙂

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